The Adventures of Gusamer

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Julie.

Julie, Julie, Julie

She had recently painted her room completely in purple.

well, not completely in purple.
If she did that she might not be able to find anything!!

It was a lovely purple room.

very purple, in case you weren't sure

Once upon another time, there was a silly little boy named Gusamer.

we all remember Gusamer don't we?

Gusamer is a kid that goes around and talks to inanimate objects.

and has a series of increasingly popular stories named after him

One day, Gus went out for a walk. He is older and wiser

well, he just looks that way today.
He has a fake beard attached with one of those silly elastic strings on his head.

and wants to plan a trip somewhere in another time, and more properly utilise the Purple Elephant herds.

plus, it makes for a whole lot less of this chit-chat small-talk with trees and things

Looking around for Purple Elephant herds

or just Horatio II, if he was around

Gusamer headed out to the main drag

you know, where they have high-speed cattle races covered live on ESPN at odd hours in the morning

of the hidden little kingdom

kinda like Brigadoon

that he and his family resided in.

you probably don't really want to meet this guy's family!!

There were no Purple Elephants in sight

or out of sight for that matter, as it was Sunday and Purple Elephants don't work on Sunday

so sadly, Gusamer went home.

don't worry, the story isn't over yet!!

He went directly to bed

actually, it was a fold-out couch... but he didn't know what to call it, since fold-out couches weren't invented yet.

hoping that when he got up it would be the next day,

this won't take long, it's 11:58PM already

and the Purple Elephants would send him somewhere neato.

like Guelph!! yah

So, Gusamer lay on his bed

fold-out couch

and....
AHhhhhh,
      AHhhhhhhhh,
         AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
      CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silly boy.
Allergic to his pillow.

He shouldn't have had that pillow fight with his teddy bear earlier.
Teddy 5 - Gusamer 0

Just as all of this commotion was taking place

the great sneeze, I mean

the clock struck twelve

and boy, does twelve hurt!! - who knew that clocks were so violent!!!

and a strange mist

do I see a tinge of purple in this mist?

began to appear at the foot of the bed.

wait, do fold-out couches have feet too?

A voice

not just any voice, a purple voice!!

said:
"Hey you, it's Monday now. Let's go on an early morning adventure!!
Since YOU called US this time, you get to pick the place. You name it!"

The voice,

the very purple voice

sounded very much like the head of the purple elephant herd, Horatio II.

yea, H2!! Just think, if his last name was Orton, he'd be H2O. We could call him "water" for short. Ok, well, maybe not.

Gusamer replied to the voice in the purple mist, "I thought you'd guys would never get here!!"

he actually thought? cool.

"I don't know where I want to go. I don't know much about the future, that'd be your department. You pick for me, just send me somewhere really REALLY

and he means "REALLY"

neat, okay?"
"Okee dokee."
And with a whirl

not to be confused with the fingerprinting term "whorl"

the Purple Elephant mist did it's thing

oh, purple mist, that thing you do

and took Gusamer to an expectedly very cool

hopefully not too cool, this winter is chilly enough as it is!

place.

THUD.

a familiar, and favourite, sound in Gusamer stories

Gusamer was picking himself up from the ground

or floor, we don't know which yet, since the purple mist has yet to subside

when he, once again, heard a purple voice

don't worry, it's just Horatio II

saying:
   "This is our new cool place to come and hang. You'll understand in a
   moment. Have a nice time. Oh, and to get home, just say the magic words
   that are **GARBLE**FARBGLE**GULP****"

OH NO!!! The purple voice faded out at a most inopportune time! Will Gusamer ever get home? Where is this cool place? Will Gusamer be happy staying there for the rest of his life if he can't get back? Will there be any inanimate objects to talk to there? When will we find out? Will Donna ever get up enough motivation to finish writing the story in her head out for Julie to read? Will Julie come to Donna's door, ready to strangle, because of this currently unfinished episode? Will Donna live to finish the story?

Find out next time on your favourite Gusamer station.