The Adventures of Gusamer

Hmmmm, so where were we?

Oh yes. We left our striking young hero, Gusamer, lost in the place of choice of Purple Elephants with no way of returning.

The story unfolds....

it kind of has to, it's been folded up for so long now!

As the slightly cramped and uncomfortable story comes into the readers view, we see that Gusamer has kerthumped onto some unknown turf.

not unknown astroturf, REAL unknown turf! serious, high-quality stuff!

**GARBLE**FARBGLE**GULP**** the big black bear said to the little mushroom shaped fellow.

Oh, sorry wrong fantasy story!

**GARBLE**FARBGLE**GULP****

Oh no! The words that contained the only way in which our little hero Gusamer can ever return to his normal place and time

without the Purple Elephant Girl or certified PEGpager

have just been puffed up in a single **GARBLE**FARBGLE**GULP****!!!!

As the purple mist

that seems heavier than usual

begins to subside, Gusmayer

German translation of Gusamer

looks around and still only sees purple.
Thinking that the heavier than usual mist is exactly that,

heavier than usual, in case you missed it - I know I did!

he becomes strangely brave and forages through to see if he can outrun the mist..............THWUD!

Me thinks THWUD is a very exciting and new sound effect word - an obvious derivative of our good ol' friend THUD - that has made a welcomed addition to the Gusamer Inc. gallery of funky sounds!

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Gussy-boy whines

a non-alcoholic whine, again - he owns many bottles in an out of the way non-alcoholic whine cellar somewhere in between Mr. Rock and Mr. Dress-up.

as he bounces

more like slides

off of a very solid, very purple, vertical object.

could this possibly be, hmmmm, a wall?

Getting up off of the floor

he knows this now, since most of the mist has now dispersed

Gusamer looks around at his less obscured surroundings.

and discovers, in fact, that the "very solid, very purple, vertical object" is indeed a wall.

Still seeing a lot of purple

but not the official purple mist of Horatio II and his buds

Gusamer finds himself stunned and befuddled.

a real rarity, I'm sure.

Feeling totally stranded,

like Gilligan on the island

Gusamer-san

Japanese translation

racks his brain for all possible poems of Purple elephant origin

including many not previously published by Gusamer Inc. - for reasons which may soon become apparent!

hoping that maybe one would, if nothing else, cause Horatio to return to rescue him from these seemingly dire circumstances.

dire, dire, pants on fire - sorry, had to do that

Here are some of the aforementioned poems:

alas and alack
aloof and alaska
oh, how I wish I were a kumquat

Ode to a Purple Elephant

Oh elephant of purple
Oh purple elephant
How purple you are
How purple you are
Your trunk is deep violet
Your tail, a dark mauve
How purple you are
How purple you are

Take it from me
It's not easy to be
A little boy by the name of Gusamer
Oh if you could see
How hard it can be
You'd say "a harder working boy there never wasamer".

There once was a boy from a real medieval place
Who often found purple elephant gunk mist on his face
He wandered around
And rarely was found
A.... HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you think you are dooooooinnngggggggggg????

****
IMPORTANT BULLITEN

We apologise for the interuption of this Gusamer story, but it comes at a time of great necessity for an IMPORTANT BULLITEN.

We, the people at Gusamer Industries, Inc., have found it absolutely imperative to take
this inopportune opportunity to convey our deepest apologies for the delay in this, very
important, second installment of "Julie's personal Gusamer story".

We do not wish to be held responsible for our irresponsible President's irresponsibilities with regards to her great responsibilities towards the effort of completing this, yet incomplete, Gusamer story.

We would like to offer you the only degree of assurance that we can regarding our determined effort to counter the undetermined efforts of our lovable, yet ever lazy and busy, President person.

Thank you for your continued patience and understanding at the crucial time within the Gusamer firm.

of Gusamer, Gusamer, & Billy-Bob Gusamer

We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...
****

"Well, great! How am I supposed to remember the last line of that poem now?!" Gusamer shouted out at the top of his voice.

a very squeaky voice

Suddenly,

or all at once? you pick

Remasug

Gusamer spelt backwards

heard distant footsteps...

step... step... step

but they were not the distinct sound of purple elephant footsteps!

which are more like "thump-didup... thump-didup... thump" than "step... step... step"

Oh dear!

"What's all this racket up here?" the voice that matched up with the footsteps seemed to say.
"Oh no!" Gusamer thought... "what to do, what to do?!"

or in Donna's personal language "What doing, what doing, what doing!!!"

He ran and hid behind a very well lit stick, and hoped that he would not be seen there.
A strange panel in the wall started to open itself up.... SQWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.
A striking young blond woman appeared in the opening.

guess who? I think it's Julie, julie, julie!

The woman looked at Gusamer hiding behind a lamp

the very well lit stick

and said "HEY!! INTRUDER!!!! I'M CALLING 9-1-1!!!!!"

Just kidding.... she didn't really say that. :-)

What REALLY happened when the woman looked at Gusamer hiding behind a lamp

the very well lit stick

was she said "Hello."

a very friendly, yet (quite understandably) confused and slightly concerned, "hello".

Gusamer replied "there's no one here... just us brightly lit sticks."
Gusamer was in one of his shy moods, totally forgetting that he wanted someone to come and help him to get home.

The young woman laughed out loud and smiled kindly at the young lad hiding, and shaking, behind a small desk lamp which made him quite visible no matter where he stood in relation to it.

quite similar to one of the latest IKEA commericals!

Catching on, young Gusamer stepped forward and away from the brightly lit stick.

Funny thing that Gusamer didn't stop to talk to it! I hear brightly lit sticks are quite friendly at this time of year.

"Would you like to tell me who you are and what you are doing in my room?" the person asked Gusamer.

All at once Gusamer's great excitement and disorientation caught up with him and he bursted out all of the contents of his very full brain

thus, his life story... ending up to where we are now, how we got here, etc. You know the drill.

"I see," the woman said.

after listening for four hours to the poor child's life story/"how I came to be here in your room" tale.

"I'm glad you told me that. A slightly abbreviated version might have been nicer, but no matter. I think I understand now. My name is Julie.

see!! I was right! :-) It's Julie, julie, julie!!

And this is my room. Do you like it? I just recently painted it purple. I like it very, very much."

had Gusamer read the very beginning of the first installment of this story, he might have figured out that a very new, purple-ly painted room belongs to one very spiffy Julie! That was a hint, you know. They call it "foreshadowing". Oooooh. Ahhhhh.

"I noticed that. Did you notice that?"

an honourable mention in tribute to Debi Norton... long story, but a short song

"I just told you, so, yah, I suppose I had noticed." Julie replied.

"Oh sorry, just got carried away for a moment. That makes a lot of sense, you know, Miss Julie."

"Oh does it?"

"Oh sure it does. The new purple walls must be part of why the Purple Elephant herd liked it so much, and called it a cool place to hang. It all makes sense now, at least now that I know where I am! Cool!"

Medieval Gussy-boy is slowly but surely picking up on some late-20th century vocabulary. Good for you, Gusamer. We're so proud!

"You mean they approved it?" 'Miss Julie' asked excitedly.

"Huh?"

"I made the list of "Purple Elephant Cool Places to Hang". This is so exciting I can't wait to call all of my friends!!!! See ya, Gus!" and she turned to head out of the room.

"WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, Miss Julie! I want to go home." Gusamer cried out.

"Gotcha!" Julie turned back and smiled. "I couldn't forget you! Especially now that you delivered such great news to me about my room! I CAN help you get home, so no worries."

Gusamer heaved a GIGANTIC sigh of relief,

he's been weightlifting regularly now, so it didn't seem as heavy as it actually was... wow, Gussy!

and then preceeded to laugh at himself thinking he was still stranded.

even though he knew better where he was, and agreed that it was a cool place indeed, he really needed to get home. It was past his bedtime.

"Alright then, are you a PEGpager, or a personal friend of the Purple Elephant Girl?" inquired an inquiring Gusamer fellow.

"Well, neither... I think I know what a PEGpager is, but I'm not one. And I've never actually met the Purple Elephant Girl... though one of these days my friend Donna will have to introduce me."

"OH, then your friend can help?" interupted Gusamer.

"Let me finish, silly Gus. According to the official rule book of cool places for purple elephants to hang out

published by Gusamer Publications, rulebook division

here on page 9

paragraph 12, subsection 9, line 42, character 45.3, etc.

it reads thusly:"

'When a place is deemed satisfactory to receive commendation in the cool
places for purple elephants to hang out class, the owner of the cool
place shall be granted special transporting powers for returning
visitors to their rightful homes upon their request.'

or upon their becoming way too rowdy for said owner to put up with... time travellers these days!!! Hmph.

At this, Gusamer got very excited.

and very sleepy, as rulebook readings appear to make him doze off

"GUSAMER WAKE UP!!" Julie cried out at our dozing friend.

just think, if Gusamer were a bull and not an odd little guy, at this point in our story he'd be a bull-dozer. Um, sorry.

"HUh, WuH, WHO!??!"

very eloquent, indeed!

Julie went into her cupboard and pulled out a very special looking bucket.

it was named Benjamin Moore, or something like that

Inside the Bucket Ben was more purple... purple paint with a very special glow to it.

that resembled purple elephant mist-like gunk!

"You wanna go now?" asked the wielder of the purple paint.
"Yah, sure. Thanks I.... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."
At this "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

I hope I put enough a's in there!! I hope Gus doesn't sue for misrepresentation!

Gusamer finds himself totally covered in purple paint, but without a drop on the floor or furniture around him.

man, I gotta get me some of that paint!!

"Uh, sorry about that, but that's what the directions on the can said to do. Safe journies, Gus!"
And at this final remark of Julie

our lovely guest visitor to this Gusamer story

Gusamer was whisked

not to be confused with the stain-remover, detergent stuff

back to his former time, and back on his bed

fold-out couch

and asleep again.

still suffering the ill-effects of a certain rulebook reading.

Safe and sound back home now, with Gusamer all cosy and asleep upon his bed,

fold-out couch

we hear someone approaching in the distance, "STEP.... STEP.... STEP"

note that this cannot be Julie as her "steps" are of a slightly lighter sound quality than these ones.

and the door to Gusamer's room opens................

"GUSAMER LAWRENCE FREIDRICH SANCHEZ BOLOVA PASQUALE McINTY the FOURTH! WHY ARE YOU COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE IN PURPLE PAINT?!?!??!?!?!??!?!???!??!?!"

Uh, enter Gusamer's Mom.
Wow, now looks like a good time to leave, so until next time!

good luck, Gussy!

CAST(in order of disappearance - let's be different today, shall we?)

Gusamer, aka Remasug (and other countless translations and variations) - some kid

who never truly disappears, so I'll put him first

Horatio II, head of the herd - himself

the first to disappear

Gusamer, Gusamer, & Billy-Bob Gusamer - official representatives of said legal firm partners

who, thankfully, disappeared very quickly!

Julie Pitcher - herself, or some really convincing Julie look alike!!

our guest who we were all sad to see disappear

Gusamer's Mom - Atilla the Hun

who made US quickly disappear

"THEN THAT'S IT THEN??!?!? HEY, COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

QUICK! Head for the hills, it's Atilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yours truly, but leaving very quickly for my own good,
Donna!